To Tell or Not to Tell

One of the pressing thoughts and questions that recipient parents of egg donation dwell on, is whether to tell anyone about their decision to use donor eggs. Intended parents also spend time thinking about whether they should tell their child of his/her conception.

Although surveys have shown that most people approve of, and support the use of donors to help make families, this is still a very personal decision. There are the activists for childrens rights that will advise on telling the child of his/her conception. There are also the views of recipients of egg donation that have conceived and will tell you that they want to get on with being “whole” again, with raising their child without constant anxiety about how a child may react to news about his/her conception.

Dealing with your own feelings and the reactions of others is not easy. Many parents face this very difficult situation.

For some intended parents the answer to this question is decided long before the egg donation procedure even commences. It is based on a peaceful preference for you and your partner. If you have not decided on whether or not to make your potential child’s conception details public or not, considers this advice from an egg recipient mother. She suggested that before you decide whether or not to make your child’s conception known…”give birth to your child. Often once you settle into motherhood, the answer to this question becomes clearer for you.”

The reality is that, despite professional recommendations and recipient advise, this is a personal decision and the answer is specific to each new family created via egg donation. It is difficult to know how you might think and feel after the child is born and the emotions of infertility are behind you. It can be wise to take care not to make decisions that can’t be “taken back.” As the saying goes, “you can always tell more people later, but you can never  “un-tell.”


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